Surviving Postpartum Depression: My Journey, and What I Want Every Mom to Know
By Deirdre Looney | Chaos and Courage Blog
When people talk about new motherhood, they talk about baby snuggles and love at first sight. They talk about the glow. The bliss. The magic.
But that wasn't my reality.
After giving birth, I was overwhelmed with a kind of darkness I hadn't expected—a sadness I couldn't explain. I was exhausted, but couldn't sleep. I was holding a baby I loved, but I felt completely disconnected. And worst of all, I thought something was wrong with me.
You are not broken. You are not alone. And this is not your fault.
🌧️ The Signs I Missed
Looking back, the signs were there. I wasn't just tired—I was drowning. I wasn't just emotional—I was numb. I smiled for photos, but inside, I felt like I was disappearing.
- Deep sadness that wouldn't go away
- Feeling hopeless or like a failure
- Trouble bonding with my baby
- Guilt over not "enjoying" motherhood
- Intrusive thoughts that scared me
- Withdrawing from friends and family
💡 The Turning Point
One day, I broke down crying in the shower because I felt like I was failing at everything. And in that moment, I realized something:
If I wanted to be the mother my baby needed—I had to take care of me, too.
I reached out. First to a trusted friend, then to my doctor. I was terrified of being judged. But instead, I was met with compassion. I was prescribed therapy and eventually medication, and slowly… the fog began to lift.
🧠 It Wasn't Me—It Was My Hormones
This part is so important: postpartum depression isn't a reflection of your character or your ability to parent. It's caused by a sudden and extreme shift in hormones after birth. It's biological. It's real. And it is not something you can just will away.
Getting help isn't weak—it's wise. It's love. And it's something I wish more moms knew was available to them without shame.
💛 To the Mom in the Middle of It
If you're reading this with tears in your eyes or an ache in your chest, I want you to know something:
You are still a good mom. Even when you don't feel like yourself. Even when you're crying in the dark. Even when you need help to get through.
You can survive this. And you don't have to do it alone.
🌱 What Helped Me Heal
- Therapy – Talking honestly with someone who understood was life-changing.
- Medication – It gave me the strength to feel like me again.
- Faith & prayer – When I couldn't speak, I whispered "help me," and God met me there.
- Community – Online spaces and mom groups reminded me I wasn't alone.
📞 Where You Can Get Help
- Postpartum Support International: postpartum.net | 1-800-944-4773
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 anytime
- Your OB/GYN or doctor – They want to help
🕊️ You Are Not Alone
If Chaos and Courage stands for anything, it's this: you can survive the storm. You were never meant to do it alone. And there is light on the other side of this pain.
Please take care of you—because you matter.
With love,
Deirdre